Jasmine Hart

Hi Via, I really enjoyed this. I'd put "have" before the first "gone by". I love the little images you use like the coin holder.I really love; "One dances a ...

Hi, The anger in this poem comes across strongly and it flows nicely. I think I'd try to make it more visual rather than internalizing it- maybe describe looking at ...

Hi, I thought that this was beautifully written.I love your imagery and use of language, and this flows well. I especially enjoyed; "Four walls and forty empty voices who will ...

Hi, Welcome to Yws! I hope you like it here. I like the central image here. I especially liked; "Painted so beautifully Of dark concrete With shiny yellow paint", as ...

Hi Jayden, Welcome to Yws! I thought that this was really lovely. The central image was strong and it ended nicely. After "like the night" and "like the stream" I'd ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS. I hope you like it here. I love your use of rhyme and how the story unfolds. This is a great idea and you express it ...

Thanks a mil Kit. :) I'll think about expanding,and looking at re-wording how my characters are arranged around the room in the second stanza...mostly they were just tired, and too ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this! I thought the rhythm was completely captivating, and that the rhyme was very effective. The poem as a whole flowed beautifully. I'd change the semi-colon ...

Hi, This flows nicely. I love; "you can pull the blanket tighter, but this is the kind of cold that doesn’t really go away." I'd change; "looking outside, you feel ...

After four hours' sleep and too much Chinese food (more than half of which now festers in a drawer), we fisherman-stare at the magical box which now spews entertainment news ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS!I hope you like it here. I really enjoyed this. It's a lovely idea, and it's laid out very well and moves nicely from beginning to end.You ...

"Twilight" and your story are love stories, and it's really hard to write a unique love story; the characters have to meet and fall in love, they inevitably encounter some ...

Hi Kat, Welcome to Yws! I hope you like it here. This was to the point, which was good. The first thing I noticed about this was the font-I felt ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. This progresses nicely. There is a clear beginning, middle and end, and the rhythm is consistent and effective. Rather than ...

Hi Ash, First I'm going to talk about what you have here, and then I'm going to make suggestions for a possible rewrite. I think this flows nicely, and I ...